My Remarkable Adventure

WALT:  Entertain

Description: We read the poem “My Remarkable Journey” which inspired us to write our own remarkable journeys about why our homework wasn’t at school.
My Story 
                           I wake up in the morning only to remember my HOMEWORK!!!

 I go down stairs only to see, a big fat mountain troll, in my bath. I jump out of my window, find out that my backyard has turned into a jungle, I climb up a tree up a tree find myself back in my room. Go down stairs wondering what what I will see. It seem all ok but when I go around the corner I see, seven slimy slivering snakes coming all around. But they sound like seven bashing Building bull dosers. When I slipped and knocked my head. I wake see my body its ok but I'm in snake. Luckily the snake dose not like because I have not a shower in 4 days. Gross I go to have a nice hot shower. I turn on the shower thought oh this is a nice shower oh, this is thicker then normal thats. Wow that pongs wait I think that it sirige ōw, I run to a towel scrap it all off then I put some clothes on. Turn around find it has turned into a monster run  out the door grab my bag see it still chasing.
                                                                                 *
I am still running to scared to look back keep running I say. When I look back I see you it's gone Yes school. Then I see you Mr Bridge.

                                                         In all the mayhem I forgot my

                                                            homework and why I stink.

                                                                      The End 

                                                                    By Callum

Criteria:

We decided that a quality piece of writing has the following things. Reflect on whether these things are in your story:

Introduction: It hooks the reader in the first few lines making them want to read more

Punctuation: Is your writing ready for a reader? Does your punctuation make it easy for them to read?

Short sentences: Do you create suspense by using these in your writing?

Onomatopoeia: Are these in your writing to create impact?

Alliteration: Are these in your writing to create impact?

Similes/Metaphors: Are these in your writing to create impact?

Evaluation:

1. What do you think is the best part of your story?
I think that the first bit of my writing is the best because it really hooks me in and I want to read more. Because if your reader dose not want to read more there is not much point in me writing.

2. What was the hardest part about completing this portfolio sample?
I think that the hardest part was in the middle trying to keep up the same sort of excitement up at the same level also, the ending was hard to come of slowly not to be just like done when he gets to school.

3.  Next time, what is a goal you can work towards?
Next time I work on this I would try to make it much longer due to time I just have tryed to make it short and detailed.

Feedback/Feedforward You did good of adding detail and you made it funny you added. You might want to add more of the story And more onomatopoeia.